Alice Encounters the Steely Resolve of the Dimocrats

The dusty yellow lane wound its way through a dark overhanging forest. Alice was a little lost, but at least she had the comfort of knowing she must surely, at last, have chosen a path that would carry her as far away from the Mad Hatter and his sidekick The Troll as possible. Up ahead and out of sight, she thought she heard loud voices clamoring, but all she could see were dust motes dancing in bright shafts of sunlight angling through the trees.

In a little while, however, Alice knew she must still be in Wonderland (for over 6 years now!). Standing at the edge of yet another clearing, Alice saw a gazebo surrounded by a milling throng of expostulating Solons, harrumphing, yelling, thrusting their fists in the air and, in general, carrying on in an excited manner. There must have been at least 50 of them, although, with a closer look, Alice thought there might be only 49-1/2. What a curious number of Solons, she thought. Up on the raised platform of the gazebo was a woman with dark hair arranged in an elaborate 'do, with startlingly large eyes, attempting to gain control of the shouting crowd.

"Come to order!" mumbled a diminutive fellow in a morning coat, standing on the first step of the gazebo. "La Diva wishes to speak."

"Fellow Dimocrats," she began. "I have come all the way from my House to speak to you about a matter of urgent importance. The Mad Hatter is expanding his war against the Eastern Spades even as we meet. We must stop him! We must! We must!"

Alice made her way closer and found herself next to a man of medium height, dark hair and a sour demeanor. "Then stop him," he muttered.

"Excuse me, but what is La Diva talking about?" she asked.

He turned to her. "The Hatter's war," he said. "He's determined to corner the market in felt."

"And who are you?" Alice asked demurely.

"Who are you?" he replied abruptly. "Are you a page? If you are, you should leave now. This is no place for little girls."

"I'm Alice, and I'm lost," she said.

"You're in the right place then," he said, returning his gaze to the platform. He looked down again. "But to answer your question, I'm Rust Goldfine, and I'm a Solon. We're meeting here to stop the Hatter's war."

"I vote that we vote!" someone in the crowd shouted. "Vote now! Vote now! Let's express our disagreement with the Mad Hatter in no uncertain terms! Let's make it clear that we disagree with him. That will show him!"

"What is he talking about?" Alice asked Rust.

"Nothing," said Rust.

"The Mad Hatter will be held accountable for his war!" La Diva attempted to shout, but it came out in a kind of refined sing-song. "We really, really disagree, and we're going to tell him so!"

"Will that stop the Hatter's war?" asked Alice hopefully. She thought wars were dreadful, in the silly way of little girls everywhere.

"Not for a moment," said Rust.

"Then why is she saying that?" asked Alice.

"She's the new head of the Caucus of Dimocrats, who represent most of the Queen's subjects. They hate the war, and want her to end it no matter what."

"But the vote won't do that?" asked Alice, beginning to experience that disorienting sense of confusion which overtook so many of her afternoons in Wonderland.

"No. Only taking away the Hatter's money could do that," said Rust.

"And she can't do that," said Alice dismally.

"Oh no. She could at once." Rust pointed to the large burlap bags grouped around a stout oak at the edge of the clearing. "Those are full of gold coins, which the Mad Hatter & The Troll must have to keep fighting the Eastern Spades."

"And La Diva can deny that to the Hatter?" Alice said, allowing herself, against her better judgment, a moment of cautious hope.

"She could," said Rust. "But then she's afraid the Dimocrats will look as if they don't care about the Hatter's troops, who will die in the field without the gold. Or so they all say."

"So the gold protects them," Alice murmured.

"Oh no," said Rust. "The Hatter's soldiers keep dying, killed by Eastern Spades in the Hatter's war."

"Which La Diva could end by keeping the gold here," said Alice glumly.

"Smart little girl," said Rust. "Are you sure you're not a page?"

"So La Diva will show she cares about the Hatter's troops by sending them the gold they need to stay in the Land of the Eastern Spades where the Spades will kill them."

"Bingo, kid. Welcome to the Realm of the Dimocrats."

"One consolation, at least," muttered Alice.

"What's that?" asked Rust.

"At least now I know the Tea Party wasn't such an aberration. Until I get out of Wonderland, nothing's ever going to make sense."