October 16, 2007

Klaatu barada nikto

from the Manchester, New Hampshire Union Leader -
Sunday, during a town-hall meeting in Exeter, Giuliani assured a young questioner that preparedness will be key for all crises, including those from outer space.

"If (there's) something living on another planet and it's bad and it comes over here, what would you do?" a boy asked.

Giuliani, grinning, said it was his first question about an intergalactic attack.

"Of all the things that can happen in this world, we'll be prepared for that, yes we will. We'll be prepared for anything that happens," said Giuliani, who was mayor during the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Personally, I doubt it, and not just because neither Giuliani in particular nor the United States in general was prepared for the attacks of 9/11. A better answer would have been, for example: "How the hell would I know?" Or: "I don't think we'd stand a chance. Better hope it doesn't happen." As many cosmos-oriented thinkers have noted (including, of course, Neal the dog), the sudden, surprise arrival of space aliens here on Earth carries with it certain presumptions. First, they found us before we found them. Second, wherever they're from, they managed to get here, and we've never gotten farther than about 240,000 miles from where we're sitting right now. Third, if they can build a vehicle to get here, and survive the multi-light year trip to Earth themselves, God knows what other kind of nasty stuff they've come up with.

So to say, blithely and without explanation, that "we'll be prepared, yes we will," did not fool that young boy in New Hampshire. He was so on to Giuliani and his bullshit. Rudy must be a tone-deaf cornball if he couldn't see that the last thing his 11 year old questioner was looking for was reassurance. The kid wanted Giuliani to acknowledge that the monsters of the kid's imagination could beat the USA every time out.

And, of course, they probably could. These candidates have to inhabit such an artificial world that even admitting that giant green aliens, from a solar system in the region of Alpha Centauri, who look like a genetic crossing of an octopus and an alligator gone horribly wrong--to concede they might be too much to handle -- you can't even do that now. Instead, you have to assert, in the complete absence of any information whatsoever concerning the nature of the beast or his weaponry, or his designs on Earth, or even whether he exists in the same dimensional coordinates as we think we do, that you'll be prepared to deal with him when he comes.

Suppose we can't stop Gort this time? The phrase, after all, was a lucky guess, especially since no one has ever been able to translate it. How can Giuliani know he'll be able to guess right again?

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