June 25, 2009

Mark Sanford for President

Look, he was 49. Hemmed in by family and a job he found suffocating. Was his response simply to play the stoic, stifle his feelings of frustration, the sense that life was passing, or had already passed, him by? No, he found a girlfriend in Argentina named Maria. A woman who moved him to write like this:

"Two, mutual feelings . . . You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details ..."

Good stuff.

The liberal pundits are looking for ways to talk about this so it sounds like a serious matter, instead of an excuse to talk about a married American man with a hot Argentine girlfriend, because if they don't dress it up, it will be too obvious they're just jealous. Keith Olbermann last night was particularly disgusting. A simpering, puerile narrative interwoven with Governor Sanford's press conference confession, as if there were some sort of "drama" in a guy coming clean about su novia. Did Sanford go to Buenos Aires to say "goodbye," to end it all, to clear the decks for a fresh start? No, he went to Argentina because he was hot to see Maria and her magnificent parts.

Ed Schultz, roughly the size, shape and timbre of a beer barrel, used his TV time to discuss the serious disservice Sanford has done to the noble citizens of South Carolina. He called South Carolinians "stupid" if they allow a guy to stay on the payroll who left the state without telling anyone where he was. What if something had happened to South Carolina? Well, in the first place, Mark Sanford would have known about it. Heard of the Internet? Cell phones? Plus, Sanford's wife knew where he was. So if Kim Jong-Il's army had come ashore in Charleston, Mark could have torn himself away from one of those magnificent gentle kisses, or averted his gaze from Maria's tan lines long enough to tell his Lt. Governor to call Washington. Unless Barack was on a Gulfstream jet on date night, I'm sure he would have handled it. That's what a "team" is for.

Freud explained all this a long time ago with his "projection/introjection" analysis. Naturally, we attack the perceived "weaknesses" in others that we feel most strongly in ourselves, and if you're normal, sex is a vulnerability. Anyway, it should be. So what if Sanford attacked Clinton for Monica's under-the-desk visits in the Oval Office? Maybe he disapproved of the way Slick Willie trashed Monica with his "that woman" stuff, where Bill did his best impersonation of an honest guy. Note that the Governor did not have a bad word to say about Maria -- indeed, he felt for her. That's class. Take note Keith and Ed, in case you guys each lose two hundred pounds and find yourselves in the same predicament.

No doubt Mark would like to feel for Maria again, preferably in the faded glow of the night's light. As the stars dance in the dark flowing water of the Rio de la Plata, with a warm brisa blowing in from the Pampas, as Maria turns from the balcony rail and walks toward you, the outline of her broad hips caught for a moment in the phosphorescence of reflection...

Go ahead and use it, Mark. You're doing great so far.

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