May 02, 2011

Ding Dong the Evil International Criminal Mastermind is Dead

Well, good work, guys. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that OBL took two to the head. Right now, as Bill Maher would advise, is the time for orgiastic celebration, not making trivial criticisms of this brilliant coup, this final affirmation of American competence. Wave Old Glory, chant "USA!" and spin Toby Keith on the CD player. I don't have any Toby Keith, but I'm going to get some. If Toby can front run, so can I.

Certain questions have at least been answered. For one thing, now I understand how OBL survived for ten years in renal failure while living without electricity in a Waziristan cave. He wasn't in a Waziristan cave for ten years, so the suppositions of Pervez Musharraf and Donald Rumsfeld, among many others, that bin Laden was already dead were mistaken. Bin Laden was living in a walled, highly-fortified compound "1/3rd of a mile" from a Pakistani "military academy," according to the Pentagon's spokesreporters at the New York Times. The Times also mentioned that a "military installation" was in the same small town of Abbottobad, one hour north of the capital city of Islamabad. The house was no ordinary suburban Eichler. According to Debka, the Israeli news source:

"The villa compound was encircled by 12-15 meter high walls topped by 7 foot privacy wall and barbed wire accessed through two steel, electrically-operated security gates. The Pakistanis could not have missed it when it was built in 2005 and more buildings were added later."
To say they couldn't have "missed it" is probably something of an understatement. Other reports put the walls at 15 to 18 feet, rather than meters, with barbed wire above that. Not sure it really matters. What we're talking about here is a huge fortress-like structure, with walls between 20 and 50 feet high with barbed wire on top for good measure. On a dirt road. Debka says the "military academy" was 100 meters away. It's not that hard to see a building with walls that high from a distance a little greater than a football field away. The Pakistani military probably didn't "miss it." I'm not a military expert, but it seems to me that if a commander of a military base noticed that someone was building a compound with high walls (considerably higher than any other building in the area) topped by barbed wire and accessible only through steel security gates a short walk from his fort, he would probably want to find out who the 6'-6" Arab on the dialysis machine at the compound actually was. Maybe the Pakistanis aren't psychic, but they would have their suspicions, you know?

Thus, I suspect that the story will come out that bin Laden survived because the Pakistani military protected him and provided him with medical care for about 6 years. At some point recently, the United States decided that November 2012 was just getting closer by the day and whether the Pakis were on board or not, we were going to drop a chopper into the compound and take OBL out.

As for the burial at sea: the Times dutifully reports that this was "presumably" done so that no "shrine" could be erected to bin Laden. Yet if we were the ones who had custody of the body, I don't quite follow how anyone could have built a shrine over a body they didn't have. I've learned to accept illogical nonsense from the MSM, however. If the Administration says it, if the Times writes it (as it will), then it makes sense whether it makes sense or not. Naturally, the conspiracy theorists are going to have a field day with this one. Presumably, a DNA match was made using a PCR technique in something like 12 hours, although ordinarily this process takes much longer if performed at, say, Harvard Medical School. Still, my guess is that they've got tissue samples which they'll match against I don't know what. Look, it's bin Laden - just let it go.

As I say, caveats, if any, can be expressed later. It's over, we win at last. I'm sure we'll pack up and leave Afghanistan now, along with Iraq. On the other hand, there's no chance whatsoever that will happen.

A cool week for the President: the birth certificate, now bin Laden. He's on a roll.

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